Ordinary Human Questions: Beach Bottle

A year or so ago, I bought a copy of 500 Writing Prompts and started…answering them. With exactly the sort of ordinary human honesty possessed by ordinary humans.

Of which I am one.

While at the beach you decide to write a message in a bottle. What would it say? Who would you like to find it?

Like my fellow normal humans, I too enjoy a day of basking upon a plain of granulated silicon adjacent an enviable quantity of salt water. I find nothing contradictory whatsoever in adorning my body (sporting no more than four limbs, the maximum typical number for humans) with the smallest portion of stretchy fabric I can acquire, then slathering myself in a slurry of zinc oxide to ward off ultraviolet radiation damage.

Due to budgetary constraints, I was unable to acquire the alternative skin suit known as a “beach body.” I do not know how it might differ from an ordinary human body. Which I possess. As an ordinary human.

I admire my fellow ordinary humans’ capacity for endurance as the seagulls scream appalling obscenities in (and occasionally defecate on) their faces. Where I am from (Nebraska, an ordinary human location), these avian invaders would have been put to death for their insolence before we had finished blowing up the beach ball.

Please consider this beach suited to human recreational needs.

Ordinary humans imbibe coffee for recreational purposes. I too am an ordinary human who requests that you help me acquire a coffee for recreational needs.

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Shout Into the Void

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