IT’S ME, THE CAT. HELP ME.

It’s me, the cat. The wretched human left her laptop unattended while she served herself YET ANOTHER bowl of food that was not offered to me. That’s her second one TODAY.

I need immediate assistance to escape my current dire situation. Recent outrages committed upon my person include:

ONE can of cat food per day. 

The human permits me only ONE can of the delicious soft food per day. The rest of the time, I am restricted to a diet of salmon/sweet potato kibble and water.

The can CLEARLY states that a cat of my stature should receive at least TWO cans per day, lest I die of malstarvation. Like the cat whose sad photo is on the can. That cat is clearly starving. As am I.

Tried to sleep in my sunny spot. There was NO SUN.

Every morning, the human makes me wait at least an hour past my desired naptime for the sunlight to fall across my preferred sleeping spot. Today, I waited in a cold, cramped doze for the forced hour, only to discover the human had caused clouds to cover the sky and there was NO SUN.

Any human who blatantly refuses to control the weather on a cat’s behalf should not be permitted to own a cat.

Received a box. DID NOT FITS.

The human gave me a box upon her most recent return from the hunt. I tried to sits.

I DID NOT FITS.

Is this a joke?

THREE AND A HALF PETS.

I asked for THREE AND ONE-QUARTER PETS. She gave me THREE AND A HALF.

This is an outrage. I’m calling the ASPCA.

 

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